Day 366: 525,600 Minutes . . . Plus 1,440 More

How do you measure, measure a year?

It's rare for me to make a New Year's resolution that I stick to and keep all year long, and though deciding to do Project 366 has not been the traditional resolution, per se, I do feel a sense of satisfaction because I kept at it faithfully, even on days I was not up to it; because it (mercifully) comes to a close with today's post; and because I won't have to keep pestering you with daily posts about some inane thing or occurrence in my life - for the benefit of all three or so of you who have consistenly been with me on this journey through the year 2012.

I guess that's been one of the main things - knowing who my real friends are - that has kept me going throughout this endeavor. It's been encouraging to have your feedback about the project and to know that at least one person other than myself has been interested in its success.

Looking back at the past 366 days, I guess the prevailing question is: Where did the time go? And then I look back at the posts from Day 1 to Day 366, and I see - in my family alone - the addition of a new nephew, two sisters-in-law, three dogs, and a hamster; another cousin who got married; Mom and Dad finally moving out of their Bountiful home after 18+ years; four moves for yours truly, to different parts of Davis County, and (thankfully) mostly love and happiness, mixed with some sadness and tears - for into each life, a little rain must fall, too.

Going forward into 2013, there will still be a Disconcertingly Choppy, though I will not be posting as frequently.

As the future comes, one day at a time, I am again reminded of the words of the late Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin: "Come what may, and love it."

President Nuñez

I received word from Venezuela this week that my good friend Juan Carlos Nuñez, a missionary with whom I served in the Peru Lima Central Mission, has been called as the Church's newest stake president.

Yes, that's right: A contemporary of mine is now a stake president, which must mean that I'm getting old.

Elder Nuñez (second from the left on the back row in the above photo) was never my companion, but nevertheless he taught me a valuable lesson early on in my days in the field. I arrived in my third area, Antares, also one of the poorest parts of Lima I've been to, to replace him and also got to work with him for a couple of days before he took off to his new area.

Antares was my third area in the mission in only three months in the country. My experience in my first two areas had been less than ideal, with a trainer who basically had taught me nothing useful and very little success in my second area. To make matters worse, within 24 hours of my arrival in this new area, I had an allergic reaction to all of the dust in the air and came down with a bad case of conjunctivitis, which is an eye infection you never want to get.

I was sulking over my past and present difficulties one evening when Elder Nuñez sat down to talk with me. I don't remember everything he said, but I do remember this sentence: "You have got to start believing that you were not sent here to fail."

Some of that is lost in translation, but those words stayed with me. And as soon as I really began to work and shrugged off my initial failures and challenges, I indeed saw success as time went on.

So thanks, President Nuñez, for your good advice and for your example. The people in your stake in Venezuela are lucky to have you.

Fourteen Things I've Learned in 14 Years

A couple of weeks ago, just prior to the dissolving of the Millstream Ward, I attended my final Ward Prayer meeting. I had signed up to give the thought for the evening, not knowing when I did so that it was going to be one of my last meetings with that good group of people.

At any rate, in preparing my thought, I did a lot of reflecting upon the many ward activities I had attended over the years and the things I had both observed and learned personally from those experiences. These 14 items are what I came up with, and I'm reposting them here after a few people requested copies. (No, I wasn't in the Millstream Ward for 14 years, but I have been home from my mission for that long; so there ya go.)

1. Moses 7:18: "And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them." I share this scripture because it pretty well reflects what my experience has been like in this ward. Fortunately, it's an environment we can help to create any and/or everywhere we go.

2. Be of the ward as well as in the ward. In other words, go to as many activities as you can. Why? Because even what appears to be the dullest activity can turn into something great; because there is something to be gained and there are friendships to be made. It's never ceased to amaze when I've witnessed a guy and a girl who have known each other for some time, perhaps years, and then they hit it off at a particular activity, and the rest of their story, as they say, is history. There are some who, for whatever reason, come to church every week but exit the building as soon as "amen" is said on the closing prayer, and they are never to be seen at the other activities during the week. As a result, they get nowhere near the same benefit from the ward and from the relationships to be gained as those who do attend everything they can.

3. Anything worth doing is worth doing well. This is a lesson that, fortunately, I learned early on. I cite the example of Bishop Lake, whom I first knew as Bro. Lake, a counselor in the bishopric, when I joined the ward. He was part of my first bishopric, and I remember the looks on his and Bro. Ohlson's faces when that bishopric was released and a new one called - how they could not hold back the tears and really feeling the love that they had for each of us. I have tried to serve others with the same spirit over the years through all of the callings and assignments I've been given. My experience in the ward came full circle, in fact, when last year, Bro. Lake was called to be Bishop Lake.

4. You never know who’s watching you, so be the best you can be. When I was still in college, I took an Institute class at the U., and it wasn't until the semester was half over that I learned one of my classmates was not a member of the Church. Fortunately, the other members of the class and I had been pretty good examples to her, and at the end of the semester, she ended up getting baptized.

5. Make your goal the temple, or bust. One of my U. of U. Institute teachers, Bro. Forsyth, once taught a lesson on this subject, and he spoke of the differences between having goals of "getting married by age 30" or of "being worthy to be married in the temple by age 30." Over the years, I've seen people get married out of spite toward someone who has wronged them, out of desperation, or for other reasons, and I've seen others who have given up on waiting for a temple marriage and have settled for much less than that. But I've also seen those who have made marriage in the temple their goal, no matter what, be rewarded with that blessing, even when they've had to wait for the right person until age 28, 29, or 30 - or beyond.

6. Be kind to everyone, no matter what. You don't know what demons they’re fighting. This point was reemphasized to me twice, following the suicide of two friends over the course of three years' time. That's two times too many. Everyone out there is having a hard time, in one way or another.

7. You can talk to the bishop about anything. I've never had a burden or problem, be it spiritual, mental, emotional, or social, that hasn't been relieved a good deal by going to talk to him. I have a testimony of the mantle that the bishop carries to lead us at this time. The same goes for his counselors and the others who have been called as advisors to the ward.

8. Everyone is nervous about dating and forming relationships; the ones who get over it are the ones who do something about it. If feel that you're too shy to talk to members of the opposite sex, then learn the art of conversation; practice with family members or close friends, and learn to listen. Or simply learn how to smile and say hello. It's all downhill from there.

9. If you don't want to go out with someone, it's okay to say no. Making up lame excuses and ignoring/avoiding that person wastes the time of both of you and is far more hurtful to that person. 'Nuff said.

10. You can't make friends with everyone. There will always be people who, for whatever reason, refuse to get along with you, no matter what you do. Even so, smile when you pass them in the hallway and say hi.

11. There are two types of regret: chances not taken and failure. Of the two, the former is far worse. Any basketball player knows that you miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take.

12. Try new things. If there's a hobby you've always wanted to learn, take a class. If there's someone you've known for years and are dying to ask her out, then do it. If there's a place you've always wanted to visit, then pick up the phone and call your travel agent.

13. Wear sunscreen.

14. The time goes by pretty fast; remember this: “Come what may, and love it.” –Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin I have enjoyed most every minute of it, and my only regret is that it couldn't last longer.

Winning and Losing

If you follow basketball, then you probably already know by now that the Cleveland Cavaliers set an NBA record last week. However, this was not the kind of record that a team would want to brag or to put up a banner about; it was for futility in not only the NBA but in all professional sports: They lost 26 consecutive games.

When you consider that each NBA team plays 82 games a year, 26 games amounts to nearly one-third of a season. Some teams that don't even lose that many games all year, let alone one after another.

Over the years, I've been part of a handful of good Church ball teams and a few more bad teams, and never in our worst losing streak did it ever get up to 26 in a row. (We came close, but never did we equal the feat. But that's not the point.) It's gotta be a pretty discouraging feeling to go out and lose, time and time again. Cleveland is also the team, keep in mind, that LeBron James infamously bailed on last summer, leaving the Cavaliers in the dust as he left for greener pastures in Miami.


Why do I bring this up? Earlier today, while perusing a copy of Sports Illustrated (no, it wasn't the swimsuit issue, smart alecks), I came across a story about the Cavaliers and a spotlight on the girl waving the sign in the above picture. This photo was taken during Cleveland's 26th and final loss of the streak - and yet she continued to cheer on the home team and yell out support throughout the game.

I also bring it up because I feel like I've been on a sort of losing streak of my own lately, and I've been somewhat discouraged by a few happenings in spite of my best efforts. I met someone recently about whom I initially had the thought, "This is either going to be a great relationship, or it's going to hurt a lot" - and when things suddenly went sour, it ended up hurting a lot, as I had feared. I also have family members and friends who feel discouraged, too, for one reason or another - be it health, stress, work issues, and the like.

My point - and I do have one - is that I'm going to keep on trying, even in spite of the current losing streak. I'm still going to put on the uniform and lace up the shoes for the next game and give things my best effort, because it just might be my 27th game - who knows?

Incidentally, Cleveland's 27th game, the one that broke the streak, was a thing of beauty. Watching it live on TV, I gained a lot of respect for the Cavaliers and their fans. It was a overtime win at home, and the way that the crowd cheered, you'd have thought it was game 7 of the NBA Finals.

In Memoriam

I don't have any smarmy comments today; I won't even post a picture. I just want to write a few words about a good friend of mine who died unexpectedly this past Sunday night.

On Sunday, I saw him at church. My brother sat next to him during elders quorum. He even passed the sacrament to the members of the congregation. And within just a few hours after that, he was gone.

At Monday night's FHE, the bishop broke the news to us. It hit me like a ton of bricks, for lack of a better term, and I have been trying to make sense of it throughout the week. I have asked myself the question "What could I have done to help my friend?" numerous times.

Depression is a dark, difficult, scary, painful, and bewildering thing. It's one of those things some people have to struggle with that, I think, will never be fully understood in this life. It affects not only those who suffer from it but their loved ones, as well. You can know how hard it is only if you or someone close to you goes through it personally, and I speak from experience. My friend fought this battle his entire life, which came to a close in this mortal sphere at the much-too-young age of (I believe) only 29.

My own struggle with depression has taught me some valuable lessons about life, and a few of these have resurfaced the past few days as I have reflected on the loss of my friend. Among them: Forget even the slightest inclination to judge, and leave it in the hands of God; He will make all things right in the end. Simply love others. Always give others the benefit of the doubt, for you've no idea what demons they fight against. The Atonement is available not just to sinners but to heal all of our wounds, no matter the size or the scope.

We miss you, Joe.

A Lesson from the Liberty Tax Dude

Most every time I drive past the intersection at 500 South and 500 West in Bountiful, I see the Liberty Tax Dude on the corner. If you've driven through there or have seen one of his many clones along another street corner somewhere else in America, then you know whom I'm talking about.

The guy may arguably have one of the worst or least-desired jobs out there, and I consider fast food work to be among them. (I speak from experience here.) I can't imagine that the pay is anything great, plus he has to wear a Statue of Liberty costume, hold a Liberty Tax sign, and dance and wave to people on the street corner all day long, no matter what the weather might be like.

Still, the guy at 5th and 5th has earned my respect. The man is always cheerful and happy and always waves at me. If I wave, he waves back; or if I flash the "peace" sign, then he flashes the "peace" sign back at me.

I am a firm believer in the mantra that "anything worth doing is worth doing well." I think that credo certainly applies to the Liberty Tax Dude, who always seems to do his job - whatever your perception of what that entails - to the best of his ability.

While You're Busy Making Other Plans . . .

I'm sick today. This is definitely not something that I planned on happening nor, for that matter, really needed to happen today.

Because I spent quite a bit of time last night worshipping the toilet gods, so to speak, I ended up missing out on this morning's Passion Buckets audition at EnergySolutions Arena. Dallin's wife gave birth to a baby boy yesterday, so he did not make it, either, and John was absent because of work. The five remaining members of Passion Buckets, I'm told, went ahead with the audition regardless and gave the best performance that they could under the circumstances. Thank goodness we recorded our version of the anthem on CD.

Because I'm sick, I'm also currently missing out on the BYU vs. USU football game in Provo as I write this. As a birthday present, Biz and Jeff graciously gave me one of their tickets so that I could go to the game. I should be there right now along with my dad, Steve, and Becky. Instead, I'm watching the game at home on TV.

More than once today, the words from John Lennon's song "Beautiful Boy" have gone through my mind; specifically, the line that states, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

I was first introduced to this song when Richard Dreyfuss sang it with that less-than-perfect voice of his in the movie Mr. Holland's Opus. Mr. Holland's has since become one of my favorite films, while "Beautiful Boy" has become one of my favorite songs.

John Lennon said a few dumb things during his career and lifetime, but he also said and wrote some amazing stuff as well. "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans" is truly, from my experience, what much of life is about.

Such has certainly been the case for me today. I had people depending on me to be places, and there were places I wanted to go, but I could do neither. Yet somehow it's okay.

I also write this on the eve of another birthday - yet another cause for reflection today. The years just don't slow down at all once they speed up. It is also the eve of another general conference of the Church and another opportunity to be instructed at the feet of men and women of God.

Whatever plans I may make, I am looking forward to the future and whatever it is that life may have to offer me.

As the Cake Collapses under the Weight of the Candles ...

This past Friday, I celebrated another birthday. (Well, maybe "celebrated" is not the term I'm looking for here. "Learned to live with" would be more like it.)

Birthdays seem to get more surreal each year. You realize that you're yet another year older - ready or not, and whether or not you "feel" that old. You also tend to reflect on the things that have brought you to where you are in life and the kinds of important lessons that life has, hopefully, taught you along the way.

On Friday, I got to thinking about one of the funniest and most insightful things I have ever read about birthdays and aging. It is called "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years," and it comes from Dave Barry (one of my favorite writers, thanks to Clayton and Darren, who helped introduce me to this satirist when we were in high school) in his book Dave Barry Turns 50.

Here are some of my favorites from that list:

- You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.

- The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.

- There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

- There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

- Nobody is normal.

- If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

- You should not confuse your career with your life.

- A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

- No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

- Your friends love you anyway.

- Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

That's some sage advice and keen insight. In that same spirit, I have come up with my own list of things that I have learned in my time on this Earth. I cannot promise that they are humorous or insightful, nor that I am living perfectly by them, but nevertheless I do believe them:

- "Wickedness never was happiness" (Alma 41:10).

- A true friend will still be your friend even after an argument or you have done something embarrassing; a fair-weather friend will hold a grudge and/or will disappear from your life.

- When you play "make-believe" with your nieces/nephews, all of your worries will vanish.

- Cast your bread upon the waters, and it will come back to you - soggy. (Dad taught me that one.)

- Never make fun of anyone's problems or struggles. You never know what demons other people are fighting. Always give them the benefit of the doubt.

- Never underestimate the importance of knowing how to use the words please, thank you, excuse me, and sorry. They will open more doors for you than a good sense of humor will.

- Death is an important teacher. It instructs us to say "I love you" and to say it now.

- Of the two kinds of regret, it is better to live with the regret of having tried and failed than the regret of not having tried at all.

- Trust your instincts, whether it's picking fantasy football winners or any other choice you may face. They know you better than you do.

- If you think no one cares about you, just miss a payment.

- People who don't like dogs are most often people who don't like other people.

- Always accept a piece of gum or a breath mint when someone offers you one. You don't know if they're trying to tell you something.

- Decisions made in haste or impatience are almost always bad decisions.

- There is a fine line between aggressively pursuing a potential mate and stalking.

- "Let's just be friends" is largely a myth, and it's best for both parties that it be that way.