As the Cake Collapses under the Weight of the Candles ...

This past Friday, I celebrated another birthday. (Well, maybe "celebrated" is not the term I'm looking for here. "Learned to live with" would be more like it.)

Birthdays seem to get more surreal each year. You realize that you're yet another year older - ready or not, and whether or not you "feel" that old. You also tend to reflect on the things that have brought you to where you are in life and the kinds of important lessons that life has, hopefully, taught you along the way.

On Friday, I got to thinking about one of the funniest and most insightful things I have ever read about birthdays and aging. It is called "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years," and it comes from Dave Barry (one of my favorite writers, thanks to Clayton and Darren, who helped introduce me to this satirist when we were in high school) in his book Dave Barry Turns 50.

Here are some of my favorites from that list:

- You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.

- The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.

- There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

- There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

- Nobody is normal.

- If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

- You should not confuse your career with your life.

- A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

- No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

- Your friends love you anyway.

- Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

That's some sage advice and keen insight. In that same spirit, I have come up with my own list of things that I have learned in my time on this Earth. I cannot promise that they are humorous or insightful, nor that I am living perfectly by them, but nevertheless I do believe them:

- "Wickedness never was happiness" (Alma 41:10).

- A true friend will still be your friend even after an argument or you have done something embarrassing; a fair-weather friend will hold a grudge and/or will disappear from your life.

- When you play "make-believe" with your nieces/nephews, all of your worries will vanish.

- Cast your bread upon the waters, and it will come back to you - soggy. (Dad taught me that one.)

- Never make fun of anyone's problems or struggles. You never know what demons other people are fighting. Always give them the benefit of the doubt.

- Never underestimate the importance of knowing how to use the words please, thank you, excuse me, and sorry. They will open more doors for you than a good sense of humor will.

- Death is an important teacher. It instructs us to say "I love you" and to say it now.

- Of the two kinds of regret, it is better to live with the regret of having tried and failed than the regret of not having tried at all.

- Trust your instincts, whether it's picking fantasy football winners or any other choice you may face. They know you better than you do.

- If you think no one cares about you, just miss a payment.

- People who don't like dogs are most often people who don't like other people.

- Always accept a piece of gum or a breath mint when someone offers you one. You don't know if they're trying to tell you something.

- Decisions made in haste or impatience are almost always bad decisions.

- There is a fine line between aggressively pursuing a potential mate and stalking.

- "Let's just be friends" is largely a myth, and it's best for both parties that it be that way.