Day 263: Tread Quietly

The other day at work, several signs that read "Tread Quietly" were hung all over the place:

That's good advice.

Day 92: Wake-Up Call

This morning, I was awoken by this three-year-old wearing Mario pajamas:
At general conference time, we have a family tradition of gathering together at the parents' house to eat breakfast, and then we watch the Sunday morning session together. Since Jackson was over visiting, he made sure I was up in time to eat . . . and to play video games with him.

"When it's time to get up, you gotta get up," he told me. That's sage advice. He learned it in just under four years, while it's taken me more than 30 years to grasp the concept. And I'm not quite there yet.

President Nuñez

I received word from Venezuela this week that my good friend Juan Carlos Nuñez, a missionary with whom I served in the Peru Lima Central Mission, has been called as the Church's newest stake president.

Yes, that's right: A contemporary of mine is now a stake president, which must mean that I'm getting old.

Elder Nuñez (second from the left on the back row in the above photo) was never my companion, but nevertheless he taught me a valuable lesson early on in my days in the field. I arrived in my third area, Antares, also one of the poorest parts of Lima I've been to, to replace him and also got to work with him for a couple of days before he took off to his new area.

Antares was my third area in the mission in only three months in the country. My experience in my first two areas had been less than ideal, with a trainer who basically had taught me nothing useful and very little success in my second area. To make matters worse, within 24 hours of my arrival in this new area, I had an allergic reaction to all of the dust in the air and came down with a bad case of conjunctivitis, which is an eye infection you never want to get.

I was sulking over my past and present difficulties one evening when Elder Nuñez sat down to talk with me. I don't remember everything he said, but I do remember this sentence: "You have got to start believing that you were not sent here to fail."

Some of that is lost in translation, but those words stayed with me. And as soon as I really began to work and shrugged off my initial failures and challenges, I indeed saw success as time went on.

So thanks, President Nuñez, for your good advice and for your example. The people in your stake in Venezuela are lucky to have you.

Fourteen Things I've Learned in 14 Years

A couple of weeks ago, just prior to the dissolving of the Millstream Ward, I attended my final Ward Prayer meeting. I had signed up to give the thought for the evening, not knowing when I did so that it was going to be one of my last meetings with that good group of people.

At any rate, in preparing my thought, I did a lot of reflecting upon the many ward activities I had attended over the years and the things I had both observed and learned personally from those experiences. These 14 items are what I came up with, and I'm reposting them here after a few people requested copies. (No, I wasn't in the Millstream Ward for 14 years, but I have been home from my mission for that long; so there ya go.)

1. Moses 7:18: "And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them." I share this scripture because it pretty well reflects what my experience has been like in this ward. Fortunately, it's an environment we can help to create any and/or everywhere we go.

2. Be of the ward as well as in the ward. In other words, go to as many activities as you can. Why? Because even what appears to be the dullest activity can turn into something great; because there is something to be gained and there are friendships to be made. It's never ceased to amaze when I've witnessed a guy and a girl who have known each other for some time, perhaps years, and then they hit it off at a particular activity, and the rest of their story, as they say, is history. There are some who, for whatever reason, come to church every week but exit the building as soon as "amen" is said on the closing prayer, and they are never to be seen at the other activities during the week. As a result, they get nowhere near the same benefit from the ward and from the relationships to be gained as those who do attend everything they can.

3. Anything worth doing is worth doing well. This is a lesson that, fortunately, I learned early on. I cite the example of Bishop Lake, whom I first knew as Bro. Lake, a counselor in the bishopric, when I joined the ward. He was part of my first bishopric, and I remember the looks on his and Bro. Ohlson's faces when that bishopric was released and a new one called - how they could not hold back the tears and really feeling the love that they had for each of us. I have tried to serve others with the same spirit over the years through all of the callings and assignments I've been given. My experience in the ward came full circle, in fact, when last year, Bro. Lake was called to be Bishop Lake.

4. You never know who’s watching you, so be the best you can be. When I was still in college, I took an Institute class at the U., and it wasn't until the semester was half over that I learned one of my classmates was not a member of the Church. Fortunately, the other members of the class and I had been pretty good examples to her, and at the end of the semester, she ended up getting baptized.

5. Make your goal the temple, or bust. One of my U. of U. Institute teachers, Bro. Forsyth, once taught a lesson on this subject, and he spoke of the differences between having goals of "getting married by age 30" or of "being worthy to be married in the temple by age 30." Over the years, I've seen people get married out of spite toward someone who has wronged them, out of desperation, or for other reasons, and I've seen others who have given up on waiting for a temple marriage and have settled for much less than that. But I've also seen those who have made marriage in the temple their goal, no matter what, be rewarded with that blessing, even when they've had to wait for the right person until age 28, 29, or 30 - or beyond.

6. Be kind to everyone, no matter what. You don't know what demons they’re fighting. This point was reemphasized to me twice, following the suicide of two friends over the course of three years' time. That's two times too many. Everyone out there is having a hard time, in one way or another.

7. You can talk to the bishop about anything. I've never had a burden or problem, be it spiritual, mental, emotional, or social, that hasn't been relieved a good deal by going to talk to him. I have a testimony of the mantle that the bishop carries to lead us at this time. The same goes for his counselors and the others who have been called as advisors to the ward.

8. Everyone is nervous about dating and forming relationships; the ones who get over it are the ones who do something about it. If feel that you're too shy to talk to members of the opposite sex, then learn the art of conversation; practice with family members or close friends, and learn to listen. Or simply learn how to smile and say hello. It's all downhill from there.

9. If you don't want to go out with someone, it's okay to say no. Making up lame excuses and ignoring/avoiding that person wastes the time of both of you and is far more hurtful to that person. 'Nuff said.

10. You can't make friends with everyone. There will always be people who, for whatever reason, refuse to get along with you, no matter what you do. Even so, smile when you pass them in the hallway and say hi.

11. There are two types of regret: chances not taken and failure. Of the two, the former is far worse. Any basketball player knows that you miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take.

12. Try new things. If there's a hobby you've always wanted to learn, take a class. If there's someone you've known for years and are dying to ask her out, then do it. If there's a place you've always wanted to visit, then pick up the phone and call your travel agent.

13. Wear sunscreen.

14. The time goes by pretty fast; remember this: “Come what may, and love it.” –Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin I have enjoyed most every minute of it, and my only regret is that it couldn't last longer.

As the Cake Collapses under the Weight of the Candles ...

This past Friday, I celebrated another birthday. (Well, maybe "celebrated" is not the term I'm looking for here. "Learned to live with" would be more like it.)

Birthdays seem to get more surreal each year. You realize that you're yet another year older - ready or not, and whether or not you "feel" that old. You also tend to reflect on the things that have brought you to where you are in life and the kinds of important lessons that life has, hopefully, taught you along the way.

On Friday, I got to thinking about one of the funniest and most insightful things I have ever read about birthdays and aging. It is called "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years," and it comes from Dave Barry (one of my favorite writers, thanks to Clayton and Darren, who helped introduce me to this satirist when we were in high school) in his book Dave Barry Turns 50.

Here are some of my favorites from that list:

- You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.

- The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.

- There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

- There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

- Nobody is normal.

- If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

- You should not confuse your career with your life.

- A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

- No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

- Your friends love you anyway.

- Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

That's some sage advice and keen insight. In that same spirit, I have come up with my own list of things that I have learned in my time on this Earth. I cannot promise that they are humorous or insightful, nor that I am living perfectly by them, but nevertheless I do believe them:

- "Wickedness never was happiness" (Alma 41:10).

- A true friend will still be your friend even after an argument or you have done something embarrassing; a fair-weather friend will hold a grudge and/or will disappear from your life.

- When you play "make-believe" with your nieces/nephews, all of your worries will vanish.

- Cast your bread upon the waters, and it will come back to you - soggy. (Dad taught me that one.)

- Never make fun of anyone's problems or struggles. You never know what demons other people are fighting. Always give them the benefit of the doubt.

- Never underestimate the importance of knowing how to use the words please, thank you, excuse me, and sorry. They will open more doors for you than a good sense of humor will.

- Death is an important teacher. It instructs us to say "I love you" and to say it now.

- Of the two kinds of regret, it is better to live with the regret of having tried and failed than the regret of not having tried at all.

- Trust your instincts, whether it's picking fantasy football winners or any other choice you may face. They know you better than you do.

- If you think no one cares about you, just miss a payment.

- People who don't like dogs are most often people who don't like other people.

- Always accept a piece of gum or a breath mint when someone offers you one. You don't know if they're trying to tell you something.

- Decisions made in haste or impatience are almost always bad decisions.

- There is a fine line between aggressively pursuing a potential mate and stalking.

- "Let's just be friends" is largely a myth, and it's best for both parties that it be that way.