We're Not in Kansas Anymore

A shameless plug goes out today for my sister-in-law, Jana, and my 11-year-old niece, Kylee, who have roles as Glinda, the Good Witch, and a munchkin/flying monkey, respectively, in Rodgers Memorial Theatre's current production of The Wizard of Oz.

I have not been to see it yet, but Biz (who works in the Rodgers box office) got me tickets for one of the upcoming nights. I am excited to see the show.

For more information, you can reach the RMT box office at 801-298-1302, or you can long on to: www.rodgersmemorial.com. Jana and Kylee are part of the Tuesday-Thursday-Saturday cast. The show runs through February 7.

Weird Dreams and Faux Hawks

Lately, I've been having some weird dreams. I don't know what, exactly, my subconscious is trying to tell me, other than the fact that it has an overactive imagination and also way too much time on its hands.

A few weeks ago, I had a dream in which I walked into a barbershop and sat in a chair for a haircut. Rudy Giuliani, former mayor of New York City and former Republican candidate for the presidency, then proceeded to give me a haircut.

I have wondered what it could possibly have meant. Maybe Rudy was trying to give me a guilt trip for not voting for him in the Utah presidential primary last year. (That's the best I have come up with.)

Then, last night, my dreams took me to the cliffs of Dover, which overlook the English Channel on the southeast coast of Great Britain. I have never been to the cliffs in person, though I have seen pictures. I also remember Kevin Costner making an idiot out of himself, playing in the sand on the beach in one of the scenes of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.


I have two ideas about this latest dream. One, some of the members of my immediate family are planning a trip to the U.K. in the spring to visit our extended family members who live there. Two, I have played a lot of Guitar Hero III during the past week, which includes the tune "Cliffs of Dover" by Eric Johnson.

I also have three types of recurring dreams:

1) I am back in Peru, for some strange reason, on an extension of my mission. But I can never learn what my "unfinished business" there is.

2) I am back in my least-favorite English class in college, way behind on my homework and failing.

3) I step on stage to perform my lines in a play, but I have forgotten what I am supposed to say.

Does this mean that I'm an insecure co-dependent and need other people to validate me? Huh? Does it?

I wish I knew how to interpret dreams. Maybe what I need to do is to listen to the Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat soundtrack backwards while I sleep . . . or something.

This morning - I'm still not sure whether or not this was a result of the cliffs of Dover dream - I woke up with a bona fide faux hawk on my head.

For those of you who may not know what a faux hawk is, you're better off not knowing. Ewan McGregor can pull it off - sort of. I sure can't.

John Bytheway has claimed that there is a mythical creature named Ralph, the Midnight Hairdresser - he comes from the same family line as Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy - who sneaks into your room at night and messes up your hair. I'm inclined to believe that he's right.

"Love Songs (with Arsenic Sauce!)"

I received a lot more feedback - all of it positive - on my last post than I expected. Thank you all for your comments, whether given online or in person.

I also had more than one person inquire about the track listing for "Love Songs (with Arsenic Sauce!)." For the curious, or those with nothing better to do, I present it here:


"Any Day Now" - Ronnie Milsap
"Barely Breathing" - Duncan Sheik
"Don't Expect Me to Be Your Friend" - Lobo
"Easy Lover" - Phil Collins
"Femme Fatale" - R.E.M.
"I'm So Sick of You" - "Weird Al" Yankovic
"I've Been in Love Before" - Cutting Crew
"Never Gonna Fall in Love Again" - Eric Carmen
"Never There" - Cake
"No More Love" - Michael McLean (Johnny Biscuit & Ron Williams)
"No Myth" - Michael Penn
"No Time" - The Guess Who
"Poison Arrow" - ABC
"Shattered Dreams" - Johnny Hates Jazz
"She's Always a Woman" - Billy Joel
"Special" - Garbage
"You Give Love a Bad Name" - Bon Jovi
"You've Got to Hide Your Love Away" - The Beatles

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

Sometimes, I feel like I'm preparing women to marry other men. I have a history of seeing girls I have broken up with go on to marry the next guy they date. I have lost track of the number, but I'm relatively sure that it has now happened more times than I can count on one hand.


Recently, I learned that, once again, someone I dated in the recent past has become engaged to another guy. But I am not at all bitter. I wish the best for them both. I'm sure she will be very happy with Dorky McSnotface.

No, honestly, I hold absolutely no bitter feelings at all, and I really do wish them both well. Adding the "Dorky McSnotface" part served only to illustrate the fact that breaking up and "just being friends" is a hard thing for a lot of people, and I include myself in that group. A lot of people carry bitter feelings with them for years and years, which is not a healthy thing to do and accomplishes basically nothing.

Personally, I can't do the "let's just be friends" thing. I'm not going to be that person's enemy, but I can't be her friend, either . . . if that makes sense. I have had more than a few uncomfortable moments at church (and elsewhere) around girls I have previously dated, especially when they're with their next significant other (who often becomes a fiancé).

When it comes to breaking up, I take a page from Nephi. Yes, that Nephi.

As 2 Nephi recounts, Laman and Lemuel really started to get wicked once Lehi died. Nephi had already been through a lot with his brothers, but this was the final straw. He saw it was no longer safe there, so he and his family packed up their things and left. They were still his brothers, and he still forgave and cared for them. But he could no longer be their friend anymore, and he had to put distance between them.

This is essentially the approach I take to breaking up. I'm not saying that my "ex" is "wicked" nor becomes a Laman or Lemuel to me, but, as with Nephi, it no longer is "safe" for me to remain near her. I need space - lots of it. A part of me still cares for her and probably always will, but at a distance.

Something I tried last year, when I was going through a rough patch in my social life, was to make a CD of "breakup" songs. I called it "Love Songs (with Arsenic Sauce!)," and I listened to it quite a lot. I put some songs on the disc that had a kind of tongue-in-cheek feeling about breaking up in them, would have a good laugh when I listened to them, and would otherwise try to move on with my life. In the end, I feel that the CD helped me a lot.

So, how do you handle breaking up? Inquiring minds want to know. I don't particularly need nor expect a whole lot of response on this, but I'm curious as to whether people have better ways of dealing with it. (For the curious, I don't mind offering to burn you a copy of "Love Songs [with Arsenic Sauce!]," either.)

Phoning It In

Today's Random Question Out of Nowhere is: What is the "big whoop" about cell phones, anyway?

Don't get me wrong. Cell phones are good things. I have one myself. It's practically an antique. It makes and takes phone calls . . . and that's about it. Maybe I'll take it on "Antiques Roadshow" one of these days and see what it's worth.

I know, I know. I'm living in the Dark Ages.

Nowadays, it seems that people are no longer content to have phones that simply make and take calls. There are phones that take photographs and video, have Internet access, have full-size keyboards for texting, and perform X-ray exams.

Okay, I was kidding about that last one. Probably.

I wouldn't be surprised if we were to soon see cell phones that have (or claim to have) the capacity to perform lie-detector tests, brew coffee, file tax returns, remote-detonate mines, conduct exploratory surgery, and so forth.

Like I said, cell phones can do a lot of great things. My problem with them is when they start to mean more to people than other people mean to people.

Just the other day, someone who was talking on a cell phone while driving performed a spectacular feat, cutting me off twice in a three-block radius.

I also had a date not all that long ago during which my date, who shall remain nameless, spent a large portion of the evening paying attention to her cell phone rather than to me. I don't consider too many things to be deal breakers on a date, but that is definitely one of them.

So, what are your thoughts? opinions?

If you text them to me, I'll break your arm.

Just kidding. Probably.

I "Snow" What You Mean

I just took a few minutes to gaze outside the window toward the Great Salt Lake, and, out of the blue, one of my favorite hymns came to mind:

The wintry day, descending to its close,
Invites all wearied nature to repose,
And shades of night are falling dense and fast
Like sable curtains closing o'er the past.
Pale through the gloom the newly fallen snow
Wraps in a shroud the silent earth below
As though 'twere mercy's hand had spread the pall,
A symbol of forgiveness unto all.

"The Wintry Day, Descending to Its Close," written by Elder Orson F. Whitney of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, is not one of those hymns you will often hear sung in church at really any point in the year. Very few people (who I know of) have ever heard or sung it. But it remains one of my favorites.

There is a lot of symbolism in the song. The most important, I believe, is the comparison of newly fallen snow to the Atonement. After all, white is a symbol of purity, and snow, like the Atonement, seems to cover everyone and everything when you look out at it.

Despite all of the trouble caused by falling snow - after all, who really enjoys driving through that slushy, slippery stuff? - there are moments when snow is a thing of beauty.

Mr. Abercrombie's Opus

A little "shout out" goes out today to my friend John "Pepe" Abercrombie for the recent release of his long-anticipated new CD, titled "Say It with Music: An Invitation to Linger a Little Longer."

For those who don't know him, Pepe and I have been friends since pre-school. He has been a self-proclaimed sing-a-holic for as long as I can remember, and he's been a member of the Mormon Tabernacle for the past nine years. For a couple of years, he served as one of the co-chairs of our ward's Friendshipping Committee. During that time, he would often make announcements for our monthly Linger Longers by setting the words to a well-known tune. It was always amusing to watch visitors to the ward as he sang these annoucements. The looks on their faces were pricless.

"Say It with Music" is a collection of those dittys, which Pepe recently recorded for future generations to enjoy. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I appear on one of the tracks, which the audio of our "Bulbous Bouffant" skit performed for the ward talent show a few years ago.

If you're interesting in obtaining a CD, just let me know, and I'll see that it comes your way.

Fast the Way the Old Year Passes

Well! 2009 is now here. Now what? And can someone please tell me where in the world 2008 disappeared to so quickly?

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

I go through this conundrum every January, because I guess I'm in a kind of withdrawal.

I think I have previously mentioned on this blog that the whole Halloween-to-New Year's stretch is my favorite time of the year. On New Year's Day, a sad sort of reality tends to set in. Two-plus months of nearly constant "holiday" partying, of one sort or another, is over and done with. Halloween costumes have long since been put back in closets. Thanksgiving is just a memory. Christmas music gets put on the shelf for another 10 or 11 months, and wreaths disappear from doors. I cry the day that they take the tree down . . . so to speak.


In spite of the tendency to feel this way, my new mantra - at least for the time being - is becoming: Every day above ground is a good day. A good friend once shared this thought with me during a difficult time in my life.

In other words, you can always find plenty of reasons to enjoy life, no matter the date on the calendar. You can even feel this way in January, which often has almost nothing leaping off of the calendar to grab your attention.

Let's face it: One of the huge benefits of January's cold, cold weather (it is 11 degrees outside as I write this) is finding someone cute to cuddle up with. Am I right?

Bueller?

Incidentally, Adam and Brian's New Year's party, which I attended, was a blast. A good group of friends helped me to break in my new board game, "Quelf," which I received as a Christmas present. Tracy and I also teamed up to win a round of "Junior Trivial Pursuit." At midnight, Adam and Mike shot off some fireworks outside, while Brian ran around, banging on pots and pans and making a lot of noise. (I wish I had brought my camera.) Not wanting to miss out on the fun, I jumped in the snow and made a snow angel on Adam and Brian's front lawn. Good times, those.

A New Hope, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Jane Austen, Part II

It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong, and I am that big man.

Back in September, if you recall, some friends and I learned that there were a handful of girls in the ward who had not yet seen Star Wars. So, Nick planned and hosted "Star Wars Induction" night, for which we watched Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope. After that, I posted what I suppose came across as a diatribe of sorts, complaining about how girls wouldn't give Star Wars a chance.

Well, I was wrong - as wrong as Obi-Wan was about thinking that he could train Anakin Skywalker to be a Jedi. Or, at least, my friends proved me wrong.


In November, I hosted "Star Wars Induction, Part II," for which we watched the next chapter in the films, The Empire Strikes Back. Jill and Shannon, surprisingly, came and didn't hate the movie - which I consider a success. Then, a week-and-a-half ago, Adria and Julia took the initiative and hosted Part III, for which we watched Return of the Jedi, completing our viewing of the original trilogy. Kristen, who had never before seen any of the Star Wars films, came to this one, and - though we needed to give her a brief synopsis of the first five episodes - I daresay that she enjoyed it. Jill and Shannon also made a cameo appearance, singing us a Christmas song (well, Shannon mostly) and bringing us a plate full of goodies.

One important thing about good friends is that they will still love you even (or especially) when you're wrong or out of line. So, thank you, friends.
Keep in mind that Han Solo, too, started out as a jerk and then evolved into a good guy. Though I'm no Harrison Ford, I'm likewise trying to be better than I have been.

For the record, I also believe I wrote something in September to the effect that I didn't consider the relatively new, animated Star Wars film, The Clone Wars, to be a true part of the series. Well, I was wrong about that, too. I recently rented it and watched it with some low expectations going in. Turns out that I enjoyed it quite a bit, and I have been enjoying the TV show, as well.

No Place like Home for the Holidays

There is, indeed, no place like home for the holidays, just as the old song says. The Plowman bunch managed to have a very nice Christmas celebration last week.

On Christmas Eve, we first went for some sledding on the big hill next door at Hannah Holbrook Elementary. That was followed by a very nice Christmas dinner, which rivaled our Thanksgiving in size and scope.

Biz wrote and put together a fun Christmas pageant, with pretty much everyone getting the chance to either narrate or act out different parts of the story.




Two-month-old Kira, being the youngest member of the family present, probably had every right to play the baby Jesus. Instead, she chose to be held by her mom.


Eight-month-old Jackson got that part in her place:



Kylee, who has already been rehearsing to play a Munchkin/monkey in The Wizard of Oz, played an angel:


Dallin and Xena portrayed a couple of animals in the manger (at least, I think that's what Dallin is doing here):


Jenna and Luke were, respectively, cast as an angel and a shepherd.


Mike, Dallin, and I portrayed the three wise men. (No, I don't think we were typecast, per se.)



Steve accompanied us on the piano as we sang some Christmas hymns.



Adding a new dimension to the holiday this year, we had a family talent show after the pageant. Ben participated by playing "Orange Blossom Special" on his violin:


Kylee, Jenna, and Kenna sang some songs of their own. Mike, Ben, Dallin, and I also performed a couple of skits that Mike had previously taught to his Cub Scouts.

After that, everyone got to open the gift(s) given to them through the name-in-the-hat exchange. Jackson was looking great in his new Batman PJs:


Dave's family and Biz and Jeff returned to their homes, but Mike, Jana, and their kids slept over for Christmas. The kids looked up Santa's location on the Internet - he was in Canada at the time - and quickly went to bed. The rest of us fell asleep watching The Muppet Christmas Carol, a family favorite.

Christmas Day itself was loads of fun. The kids had us up by 6:45 a.m. to open presents, and watching them enthusiastically rip through wrapping paper and discover their gifts was the highlight of the day. I was especially grateful when Kenna squealed with delight when she saw the DVD I bought for her family, The Chipmunk Adventure, and ran over to give me a big hug.

Moments like that kinda make your day.

Wherever you were, or however you spent your holiday, I hope that you, too, were surrounded by loved ones.