The Meaning of Being Lonely

Earlier today, I came across an article that discussed the concept of loneliness. Specifically, what it focused on was the fact that in spite of all of the many forms of communication that are now available to us as a society (e-mail, instant messaging, social Web sites, cell phones, text messages, speed dating, etc.) people are actually more lonely than they used to be before these things came along.

Among some of the article's findings:

- About one-fourth of those surveyed said that they felt "frequently lonely."

- Frequent feelings of loneliness were more likely to cause people to become depressed, while depression was not proven to cause loneliness.

- Those who are lonely, for example, will often be seen talking on their cell phones and/or texting others while in public or in the presence of groups of people. The message sent by these actions is that other people are far more important than the people with whom one is physically present.

- Loneliness is all about the quality and not the quantity of one's friendships.

- Just as happiness is contagious, loneliness is also contagious.


This article gave me a lot to think about, since I posted on the idea of spending time alone not too long ago. It's one thing, I suppose, to spend a little time now and then by one's self, but it's completely another when this kind of thing becomes a habit.

As I look around me, I see many people who are lonely and don't seem to know it, while there are others who appear to have gotten so used to being lonely that they have become comfortable with it and are afraid to step out of that comfort zone when any sort of opportunity to change their state of loneliness may present itself.

Is it possible to be in a room full of people and yet to feel completely lonely at the same time? I believe that it is. I have been in relationships in which it feels much more like two lonely people spending time together than two people making any sort of connection with each other. Needless to say, these relationships don't last long. It makes me think of the Ben Folds Five song "Brick," in which the singer utters the line, "Now that I have found someone, I'm feeling more alone than I ever have before."

I guess I don't really have any conclusions or concrete opinions on this matter but have rather been wondering what my readers, assuming I still have any, think on the subject. Feel free to post any comment(s) you might have.

Just don't be doing it between 4:00 and 5:00. That's Willie's time!

A Date with . . . Myself?

Last night, I made the monthly trek down to Provo to perform improv at ComedySportz. This is a trip I usually make along with with my sister, Biz. Since we both have to commute about an hour each way, the powers-that-be are usually good enough to schedule us for the same nights. But last night, she was not on the schedule, and I made the journey by myself.

I have found that I am a much different person when I am in the car by myself. Yes, I perform Improv, but I am still somewhat self-conscious when it comes to doing certain things in the car. When I'm alone, I often turn up the volume of the CD player and sing along to whatever I'm listening to. I often hit the buttons on my Stress Elminator (if you've been a passenger in my car, you've probably seen it), which makes machine gun, grenade, and other noises that I "aim" at the bad drivers who surround me on the roads. If it's late at night, I also talk to myself to keep myself awake, often quoting lines from plays I have taken part in or my favorite films. I rarely do these things when one or more people are in the car with me.

Yes, a person talking to himself may not be crazy; he may just be an actor rehearsing his lines. Then again, he might be both.

I am also someone who spends a lot of time alone. At work, I communicate with most co-workers through e-mail or the telephone. I can spend most of a day at work, in fact, having hardly spoken to anyone else. It doesn't mean that it's something I enjoy doing, per se, but that it's something I've gotten used to doing.


Such was the case (spending time alone) as I drove to and from Provo last night. On a more than 100-mile round trip, I think I learned some things about myself. The thought occurred to me that I'm still getting to know myself. There are things I don't like about myself, true, but everyone has those things, and I'm working to overcome those things and to become a better person - warts and all. The thought then came to me that spending time alone isn't such a bad thing; that is, if you like with whom you're getting to spend time.

I enjoyed this "date," of sorts, with me, myself, and I. And I'm thinking of asking "him" to do it again a second time, and we'll see how the relationship develops from here.

Speaking of which, many of you have asked me about it over the past few days, so I'll come right out and state that an actual dating relationship I had over the past few months came to an end this week. I am confident that it was the right decision for both parties involved. As a result, I am alone again, naturally.

Earlier today at church, I discussed the matter of dating with a good friend who is, coincidentally, also going through a breakup of his own. I mentioned that I felt like I had absolutely no idea what women want.

"Just be yourself" was his response.

That's good advice, and I thanked my friend for it. "Yourself" is someone I can get along with, and I guess it starts there.

Friday Night