Moving Forward in the Face of Fear

I have a good friend who is very shy when it comes to girls. Come to think of it, shy might not be the right way to say it. Immobilized with fear may be the term that applies here.

Recently, I learned that a girl in our ward has developed a crush on this shy friend of mine. Upon learning of this, I was enlisted to try to help steer him in her direction. I told him only that I had heard someone liked him and asked if he would like to know who it was. To my shock, he replied that he didn't even want to know her name and that knowing there was someone interested in him was scary enough.

I guess I was shocked by his answer mostly because this is a guy who was a dating machine in high school. I don't know what happened between high school and now to change things, but it was definitely something. I was also shocked by his answer because he isn't afraid to do a lot of things. He is one of the smartest people I know, excels in his profession and in his hobbies, serves diligently in his Church callings, is loyal and fun loving, and is otherwise a well-rounded individual. He would make an excellent husband for any girl he married. But dating, let alone marriage, appears to be the last thing on his mind.

I want to help my friend. I want him to be happy and not idle with despair, for lack of a better term. As a friend, he has helped me over the years - in more ways than he knows - through thick and thin, in good times and in bad ones. But I don't know where to start, especially when he won't even let me help him.

It is a terrible thing to be a victim of fear. I know it well from personal experience. I think that the fear of two things keeps most people from dating and achieving the kind of happiness that they long for:

(1) People of both genders fear being rejected by the objects of their affection. They are afraid to make a move or to to do anything at all that will put their feelings out in the open and leave them vulnerable. Yes, there is a chance that he/she will return their feelings, but the possibility of it not happening keeps them from trying at all.

(2) On the other hand, people also fear not being rejected. The possibility of entering into a one-on-one relationship means the loss of a certain degree of independence, money, and time once devoted to personal hobbies and pursuits that will, consequently, have to be sacrificed. So many people are unwilling to give up those things.


Not too long ago on this blog, I mentioned Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin's book Press On, which I read about a year ago. One of my favorite messages in this book contains the following counsel:

Fear can make us run away from things — things like setting and achieving goals, developing relationships, or becoming the people we know we should become. Sometimes fear can even paralyze us to the point that we don’t even try.

Fear can be a thick fog that smothers our dreams. It can be a cage that restrains us from reaching our destiny. It can be a weight that restrains our every step. . . .

We may not be immune to being afraid, but we do not have to succumb to it. My friend Harold Brown once said, “It is better to face fear once than to live in its shadow.” I believe he is right.

We are surrounded and uplifted by the faith of our members and by the hand of heaven. If only we could see that, our fears would have far less influence over us. Move forward with faith, believing you will succeed! Don’t let fear of failure stop you from greatness.

There are two kinds of regret: the regret of having tried and failed, and the regret of not having tried at all. The regret of not having tried at all is far worse than the regret of having tried and failed.

To my friend, I say: If you are reading this, please know that I would not be a good friend to you if I didn't care enough to tell you these things. It is because I care about you and want you to achieve your full potential that I do so, just as you wish the same for me.